I'm dealing with the issues inherent in being an overachieving dreamer with a variety of interests right now.
I'm struggling, specifically, with the idea of whether or not I should focus all my energy into writing, or if I should keep up with both writing and Heritage Makers (or, as I mentioned the other day, whether or not I should replace Heritage Makers with Pure Romance).
They all have merit. If I gave up on Heritage Makers it wouldn't be because it's a bad business or a bad company - quite the contrary, I like them and the products quite a bit. I believe in what they're doing quite strongly and I think more people should be storybooking.
The trouble is, I have too many passions. That's not a secret. I also love to write. That's not a secret either. I keep coming up with more and more writing ideas and I could conceivably spend all day every day writing or researching things I want to write about. Obviously I have a family to care for and a house to maintain too, but aside from that... I could write. A lot. I want to write. A lot. I'm hindered by time.
One thought is to scale back on the time I've scheduled for Heritage Makers, and add in a bit more writing time to my day. I may try that simply to see if I feel like I'm getting more writing done, and if that satisfies me.
The thing is, I'm not sure how well the two things go together. On the surface, fine. But the majority of the things I enjoy writing about - halloween, horror movies, the strange and unusual, and Adult Topics - don't necessarily fit in with "family values" and "scrapbooking". Yes, you get your weirdos who like to scrapbook from time to time (HELLO, you're looking at one right now, heh), but for the most part my target audience for Heritage Makers is family matriarchs. And a lot of them are more... normal?... than I am. Since I've been working in offices for the past decade or so, I look pretty vanilla most of the time. But now that I'm working only for myself, my wardrobe is slowly changing back to my preferred 'jeans and t shirt', horror shirts, goth-y type stuff. I'm feeling the freedom to be able to do whatever the heck I want with my hair. I'm not sure that the hot-pink hair and the "wolfman's got nards" t-shirt look fits in with the majority of the folks I'm trying to sell scrapbooking stuff to. Yes, I'll always have a small audience and I am happy to work with anyone (I don't judge because other people aren't into the same things I'm into, it's more that I'm worried I'll scare people away, like the one Pampered Chef consultant who wouldn't come out and have a party at my house because she was religious and she found out that I LOVE Halloween). I'm just not sure that it's worth the time and effort for ME to continue. And I guess that sometimes, when I'm trying to market to people that I know will think I'm one of the weird ones, I feel like I'm trying to force myself into a place I don't belong. I'm trying to wear those business clothes that, once again, just never fit quite right, while all the time thinking that I should be able to BE in business but still look however I want. I know that the world doesn't work that way, but I think it SHOULD; I think if you're good at something and passionate about something, it shouldn't matter if you like to wear jeans and tshirts instead of suits, or that your hair is pink instead of brown, or that you have piercings or tattoos. Those things don't mean you aren't the best damn candidate for the job. But, unfortunately, some people can't get past those things.
And yet, I harbor guilt over the thought of quitting too. Heritage Makers, more than anything else I've been involved with, is a repeat-business company. People buy credits for their projects and then you work with them to get those projects completed. People's lives go on, and there are ALWAYS new stories to tell. I have a number of customers with outstanding credits right now. And my upline is all in Utah, so it's not like they're nearby for easy customer service if I jump ship. I don't want to leave anyone hanging. And, like I said, it's a business concept that I truly do believe in - I believe people SHOULD be using their credits, SHOULD be making books about their lives.
But at the same time, I could happily spend all day writing scary stories, watching bad movies and reviewing them, working on my halloween display (yes, I know it's February, hush, I'm already three months behind!!), and just living a Spooktacular life in general.
And this is, really, the issue with my entire life. I LOVE doing stuff. Lots of stuff. Much of it is at odds with the other stuff I like to do. And I just plain don't have time to do ALL of the stuff I want to do. Choosing between things, and making decisions about what dreams to give up and what dreams to pursue, is one of the hardest struggles in my life. It's perpetual, because my dreams never seem to end. I will go through this cycle again and again, and I don't think it will ever get any easier.
At the same time, I'm blessed to have the imagination and life that I do. I am NEVER bored. I don't think I will ever GET bored. And I wouldn't give up my dreams for anything. I lead a fascinating life, even if it is only in my own mind. :)
I don't know what direction I will ultimately end up going with these things. I do believe I am going to rewrite my schedule slightly and devote less daily time to Heritage Makers, more daily time to writing. That's just where more of my passion lies right now.
I'm not giving up on Heritage Makers but I am having what I guess you could call a small crisis of faith, heh. So if you've got outstanding credits with me, let's get together and get them finished and published!
And whatever may happen... here's to the future.