Anxiety and pain have me in vice grips tonight, so much so that I can't sleep. I am on vacation in a cabin in North Carolina, lying in a bedroom with my sleeping family, while my husband's family sleeps on in various rooms around us, with arms aching from poorly thought-out water sports (not THAT kind) and a stomach aching from accidental gluten ingestion (I think, anyway). I miss my house and my anxiety over a number of hurdles I need to face the next four days is sky high, and I don't know how to turn it off. The catch-22 of 'you need to sleep so you can function in the morning AND pack so you can get on the road AND not be a cranky bitch in front of your husband's family' clashing with the anxiety keeping me awake just generates more anxiety and I think I might throw up (the stomach pain doesn't help). I can't sleep during the day tomorrow because we are taking several small trips and meeting various people and right now I just kind of need a day off and there is no such thing. I can't even figure out how to pack because apparently I did it ALL WRONG on the way down here and used too many bags and we don't have enough room, but I don't even know HOW to repackage in such a way that will allow all four of us access to all the clothes and items we will need while traveling by car the next four days. I guess we could all wear the same damn outfit for the next four days, hygiene be damned! Fuck this noise. Can I just get beamed home already??
I wish I knew a good way to quell an anxiety attack when it comes up. I'm not doing very well with it right now. I think I took on too much this trip and I am losing my ever loving mind. Just cancel the rest of this tour and let me go home. I don't want to tackle any more.
I pecked out this whole post on my iPhone. I guess that's sort of like an accomplishment?
